Is This the Time?

"I want to know Christ..." Philippians 3:10a

        Suffering. Just the word itself hurts; it weighs heavy and hard. It bears a touch of the infinite, making it feel endless. There is no sugar-coating suffering. It commands our attention and leaves no room for denial. In its relentlessness it offers no mercy, no relief.
        We were promised suffering; assured that trouble will assail us from all sides. It shouldn't catch us by surprise, but it does every time. We gasp for air and try to understand what won't ever make sense. It was a promise. "In this world you will have trouble." And sometimes we get stuck there, in the trouble. We get lost, lose our way. We forget who made the promise along with the rest of his words..."But I have overcome the world."
         Jesus promised trouble. In our weaker moments, that's hard to accept. Just like his disciples kept wondering when the kingdom would be restored, when he would make everything right, we wonder.  We look around in confusion, wanting answers; wanting relief. We keep looking up waiting for the heavens to part and his kingdom to come. We can't help asking along with the disciples, "Is this the time?" But it isn't the time, and his answer to us is the same as it was to his followers, "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority..." Oh, to trust the Father's time while the suffering feels infinite, while the weight bears down, and believe Jesus has overcome the world; that in him we can overcome. And not just overcome, but to know more deeply the one who suffered more than we ever will. Because while we want victory, we want purpose too. We need our hurt and pain to have meaning, for there to be a point to all that cuts so deep.
        "To know Christ..." That is the point. He is the point. Knowing him in a way we otherwise never could is the purpose, and in the end, the privilege. Sometimes we buckle under the weight and burden of our hurt, our eyes grow blurry with tears while we look up and cry, "Is this the time?!" We so badly want the pain to stop. But while it isn't yet time, we know that in the midst of the desolation and unrelenting suffering, He is infinitely worth it all.